Good morning,
Let me start by saying you absolutely do not want to play these guys for money. It doesn’t matter what they say, just politely offer to play for 1/1/2 and get on with your 5&4 loss.
-BTG
What’s in the Bag?
Let’s start with the bag itself. I mentioned Ping Hoofer on the X post, but we have options here. Jones, Mackenzie, and Titleist all make slim, minimalist bags that look good. (Post on this later) The point is that these guys aren’t lugging around ugly bags with 34 pockets and a grommeted towel. The bag will be a few years old and have the insignia of his home club.
Moving on to whats in the bag. He will absolutely have a players towel, there is no arguing this point. If you don’t know what a players towel is, this publication is not for you. You will unquestionably see two alignment sticks in the bag as well.
Clubs
The clubs will have a specific look — they will be worn in— used with intention, and with care. They will look loved, and treasured. In all likelihood, he will be playing something like Titleist/Mizuno/Taylormade Blades from 2017. It is not uncommon for these guys to play a mixed bag as well. CBs in long irons absolutely play here.
The wear patterns will be the size of a dime; these guys are purebred flushers of the golf ball. More often than not, you will see lead tape on the backs of their irons and/or putter. If you see this, definitely do not play him for any amount of money, as you’re going to lose. It doesn’t matter that you’re getting 4/side. Politely decline.
The lead tape means that he’s a true feel player, and has honed the look, weight, and feel of his irons/putter. Lead tape = he’s been a plus handicap since high school, and likely has never been higher than scratch.
The wedges will be Vokey, and the newest clubs in his bag by far. He likely changes them out yearly.
Now, onto the woods. His Driver will be at least 3 years old, with white tee marks at the bottom to show you he never misses the center of the club face. Makes/models/shafts depend on his age and how far he hits it.
He will have a primordial 3 wood, likely from the 90s. Can’t/won’t let it go because it flies exactly 263 in the air with a 3 yard fade every time he pulls it out of the bag. He’s re-shafted it many times, and you can’t afford the shaft he’s got. Think prime Henrik Stenson. (whatever happened to that guy?)
He’ll also have some form of the following to complete the top of the bag:
Equally old 5/7 wood
Butter Knife 2 iron that he can hit waist-high off of any tee or lie
Putter - It’s from before you were born, and he hasn’t re-gripped it since the day he bought it. It’s either a Scotty or Ping Answer, and while he has a garage full of putters he tests weekly, he always plays with his “gamer”. He hates the idea of LAB putters because he’s been automatic inside of 8 feet since he could walk. Bonus points for lead tape on the back/bottom.
Miscellaneous Accessories in the Bag
In no particular order:
A pack of Marlboro Special Blends, hidden from his wife. He won’t smoke them on the course, but he likes to have them on hand in case of an emergency. (Night out with the boys)
Driver wrench (he has never used this)
Wooden tees from his private club and the private clubs in his area where his gamer buddies are members
An ancient ball marker and divot repair tool. He’s used them every round since college
Expired protein bars
4-5 Titleist or FJ players gloves
Attire
Finally, let’s discuss how this guy dresses/looks. He’s wearing broken in FJ Premiers or Icons, (always white) occasionally mixing in some Adidas TOUR360s. White ankle socks. He would look like he’s from Old Money even if he were in sweatpants.
The core wardrobe pieces you’ll see this guy in:
Khaki shorts/pants that are fraying at the bottom and pockets (occasionally pleated)
A sun-bleached belt that he bought from his home club upon joining 15 years ago
Blue/light green Holderness or PM shirt. It fits perfectly.
Tour Visor (hair permitting), otherwise a broken in American needle hat with a private club logo
And there you have it. In closing, these players are rare to find in the wild. Your best chance at playing with one is at a T50 private track in May-September. I welcome any and all bag pictures and stories related to rounds played with these guys. 99% of the time they work in Wealth Management and play golf 5-6 times per week. Their “job” is to take clients out to their elite private club and entertain for the day while closing a deal or two each quarter.
My dream.
Until next time —
BTG